How do you define success?
My immediate response to this question is to reach for a dictionary definition, to think of how society defines it, or most harmful of all, compare myself to others to see if “I’m ahead.” While all of these are ways to evaluate success they ignore the actual question: How do you define success?
I deeply considered this question while reading Dani Gardner’s book Quiet Marketing, a guidebook for highly sensitive solopreneurs. She starts the book with this question to remind people that when you know what your goal is, the steps forward are clearer to see.This way you don’t climb a ladder to find out it’s on the wrong wall…
One of Dani Gardner’s main points on defining success it to make it dependent on what is within your control. You can think of this as focusing on process goals, rather than outcomes, like in the examples below:
- Get a 15% raise from my employer becomes tracking my work accomplishments, negotiating for a raise, and keeping my resume up to date for other job opportunities
- Fight climate collapse becomes committing to meatless Mondays, and redistributing funds to organizations that support this mission
Another beautiful way to define success comes from the Kinder Institute of Life Planning where you’re asked to divide the question into three parts:
- Who do you want to be?
- What do you want to have?
- What do you want to do?
When you complete this exercise I invite you to also include what you are already enjoying. Looking around and appreciation what we have can help us feel calmer, safer, and more confident as we continue to move towards other goals while maintaining what’s already been created.
On my personal definition of success
When I started recording my podcast Highly Sensitive Money, my good friend and mentor Franklin Taggart asked who my dream guest would be. I immediately said, “Valerie June!” Valerie is a singer-songwriter, poet, activist, and all around beautiful soul. To me this goal felt like a far off dream to be wished upon a star, not actually acted upon.
Thankfully, Franklin didn’t let it rest. A few minutes into our conversation, he’d gone to her website and told me, “She’s hosting a retreat soon. Go and invite her to be a guest.”
My first response was, “no way!” The thought of flying to New York, taking time off from work, spending money on a retreat, and having her potentially said no, felt way too risky. But the idea stuck with me and a few weeks later I gave myself permission to consider it, and then I committed to it.
By the time I was at the retreat I realized I had succeeded at being a podcast host who invites guests on their dream list. Whether Valerie said yes or no, I felt proud to be in the process.
Happily, Valerie June said yes!! We recorded our episode yesterday and it will be released next month to start off season three of Highly Sensitive Money!
Money and Success
Sometimes when we look at social media or witness capitalism affect government choices, it can feel like the adage “whoever dies with the most toys wins” is true. Yet research shows that the happiest people focus on developing meaningful communities. While capitalism and a lot of society equate money, status, and success, I imagine that those of you reading this newsletter see through that.
As a Quaker, I believe that each us is a unique expression of the divine and that truth is continually revealed. For me, it follows that each of us has a different, evolving definition of success. So go ahead, imagine your own version of success, give yourself permission to consider it possible, and commit to taking steps toward it.
Hit reply and let me know how you’re defining success!
In solidarity,
Diana Yañez