From adrienne maree brown’s book Pleasure Activism: The Politics of Feeling Good
“Ultimately, pleasure activism is us learning to make justice and liberation the most pleasurable experiences we can have on this planet.”
“Your no makes the way for your yes. Boundaries create the container within which your yes is authentic. Being able to say no makes yes a choice.”
adrienne maree brown
What would the holiday season look like for you and your money if you took on adrienne maree brown’s call for pleasure activism? What would you say no to? What would you say yes to?
In this incredible book Ingrid LaFleur, a designer of afrofuture experiences, shares that for her to consider something truly pleasureable it needs to feel good NOW and LATER.
This is a key thing I help people see – are your money decisions setting you up to enjoy yourself now and a few months from now? A few years from now? It is possible to say yes.
While money facilitates A LOT of things, there’s also a lot it can’t do – like replace clear communication. Be aware of what you are asking money to do, especially during the holiday season when the consumerist media apparatus is at an all time high.
In Seinfield one of the characters creates a new holiday – festivus – after becoming violent trying to get the right gift for his son. A hilarious critique of consumerism around the holiday season.
Ingredients for a Pleasurable Holiday Season that Honors your Activism
- Make a list of Holiday Happenings
- Decide which Happenings you say yes to
- Set up guidelines for probable spending for each of these
- Give yourself permission to truly enjoy your commitments
Make a List of Your Holiday Happenings
List out all of the events that are part of your holiday life. Here’s a few I can think of:
- Thanksgiving,
- friend get togethers,
- holiday office parties,
- Hannukah,
- Christmas,
- Kwanzaa,
- 12th month dinner,
- your partner’s family get together’s
- gift giving,
- festivus,
- New Year’s Eve,
- flights to your home town,
- hosting relatives from out of town,
- outshining your sister with your holiday decorations, holiday feast, elaborate gifts, etc.,
- volunteering at your local food shelter,
- kid’s winter break from school,
- anything else?
Which Happenings Do You Say Yes To?
Maybe you don’t want to fly back to your home town this year. Maybe you’d rather skip holiday shopping and instead make a donation to your favorite charity in honor of your family and friends. Maybe you want to host this year’s events. Maybe you wish the kids would stay in school the whole time…
Give yourself permission to truly envision what will be most pleasurable, in the sense that you’ll feel good about the decision NOW and into the FUTURE. Give yourself permission to slow down enough to recognize we always have choices.
Remember that your no makes way for a better yes. Liberate yourself from Hallmark holiday movie expectations if those stress you out. Jump into the merriment with full on gusto when it is meaningful to you.
Do your holiday traditions include your commitment to liberation and justice? How can you circulate money and attention in the communities you want to uphold? In other words, I invite you to shop Black, shop local, shop sustainability.
What’s it Gonna Cost?
Now that you’ve decided what you’ll say yes to, ask yourself: how is this going to change my spending compared with other months? If you’re self-employed, how will your income be affected?
Spend some time looking at your previous year’s spending for November/December/January – is it markedly different than other months in the year? No shame, no blame, just data gathering.
With inflation in the last quarters of 2022 much higher than we’ve seen in past years, increase your estimates by 5-10%. Does this change what you are willing to say yes to?
If you foresee needing to go into debt to finance the holidays be gentle with yourself. This may be a long time pattern or just the way your family did the holidays growing up. You may be okay with paying for the holidays from December to March or maybe this is the time of year you dip into savings. Again – make sure you are actually saying yes to the spending rather than being on auto-pilot.
Are there people you need to re-evaluate commitments with? Maybe you’ve been hosting holiday get togethers for a while, and this year you don’t feel up to it. When going into conversations where money and shame can come up remember the following:
- Say how you feel:
- It’s been a stressful year and I feel like prioritizing making sure my kids have beautiful holiday memories. I’m worried about what that might cost and it feels wasteful to use vacation days on staying at home.
- Ask for what you want:
- I want to take time off to stay home extra days with them focusing on memory making.
- Let go of the outcome
- That’s it. Let go of the outcome.
- And learn what you need to learn:
- All the kids want to do is bake and watch holiday movies, extra trips are not required! I prepped work ahead of time so I’ll be able to take time off without worrying about coming back to a disaster.
Committing to radical transparency with money is liberating. Like with any new skill you’re learning, being transparent with money concerns can challenging. If you’d like support around these conversations reach out to set up a free Discovery call with me or come to an upcoming “Ask Me Anything” community session.
Commit to Pleasure
Each of us relates to the holiday season differently and each holiday season is different from the last. The ongoing pandemic means that for many of us, there is more grief this holiday season as we remember those that have passed. Make space for this within yourself and at your get-togethers.
For me this holiday season I have radically committed to upholding my activism with pleasure. I flew back to Philadelphia to be with my Quaker community during Thanksgiving and my birthday. After a brief week in Seattle for a conference, I’m flying to the Yucatan peninsula for a beach filled end of year.
I had originally planned to spend the Christmas and New Year’s holiday in Philadelphia with loved ones, yet when I was given a scholarship to fly to Seattle I reconsidered my choices. I’ve opted to minimize my carbon footprint and costs by flying back to Mexico directly from Seattle, rather than adding yet another flight to my itinerary. Plus, I’m really excited to be back in Mexico!
Give yourself permission to have a holiday season that makes sense for YOU. Things you can choose to prioritize this season include honoring traditions that feel meaningful to you and being with people who nourish you.
“Pleasure activists believe that by tapping into the potential goodness in each of us we can generate justice and liberation, growing a healing abundance where we have been socialized to believe only scarcity exists.”
adrienne maree brown
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