The past six months as an entrepreneur have been very full! I’m incredibly happy to be on this journey and I have serious feedback on places where I need to re-direct.
As I think about what I’ve learned I’m reminded of one of my favorite books, Middlemarch: A Study of Provincial Life by George Eliot. It’s an epic story of love, status seeking, abandonment, and making choices. One of the characters is thee worst – egocentric, misogynist, and self-delusional about his own abilities. He’s incredibly easy to dislike, yet his blindness to his own faults makes him tragic and in a way, relatable.
When Eliots was asked if there was someone in her life who inspired that character it’s said she put a hand on her chest and said, “myself.”
Who among us does not see something in ourselves we find both repellent and tragic, yet somehow feel compelled to do?
In my first six months as an entrepreneur I’ve had the chance to be with many of my demons. I often ask myself – where have I internalized the systems of oppression and extractive capitalism? Where does my insecurity and fear of visibility linger? Where do I make feasts out of crumbs? And why am I working past the point of exhaustion doubting everything I do?
I’ve also amazed myself by the creativity, resilience, and sheer joy I feel working on All the Colors and developing a community. I have a deep well of support from colleagues, my Quaker community, and even Twitter!
It’s been a joy to see myself relax as a group facilitator with each additional session. I love seeing how a well supported group is a strong magic. The participants I get to work with beautifully replace old ways of being with money as they cultivate a new mindset and new habits.
I am called to this work of community because in the rest of the world our wider society feels more and more fragmented. While the financial system’s demand for ever growing profits can leave me feeling voiceless, all I have to do is look up and see the many people around me who question the status quo and offer a different path. For example, this excellent conversation between journalists Ezra Klein and Rana Faroohar.
This is the world we live in. No matter what’s going on we have choices. With curiosity and compassion we can see what no longer serves us and know we have everything we need in this moment, right now, whether it be in entrepreneurship, romance, friendships, and everything else.
Your money life is a key way of interacting with the world. My invitation is always to understand where you want to go and to know that you can create a structure that will get you there, while enjoying your life as it is.
This is the paradox: know what you want, while being fully where you are right now, whether it’s pleasurable or frustrating.
As financial planner George Kinder says,
Our first obligation in this world is to discover the circumstances in which our souls flourish. This is the truest and deepest meaning of freedom – living under conditions that make us most truly ourselves.
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This is a great piece of self-reflection, Diana.