What does “I’m bad with money” actually mean?

“I’m just bad with money.” People say this all the time with anger, sadness, frustration, and sometimes simple resignation. Money has not been going their way in a while and figuring out what’s next, or even what happened, feels overwhelming.

You can move beyond that! Being “bad with money” is not permanent. It’s like saying “I’m bad with walking” because you walked into something. Money, like all relationships, has ups and downs. Wherever you are with money, know that it can change for the better!

Being “bad with money” usually falls into one of four categories:

• Frustration around what’s going on
• Confusion around the technical parts
• Comparing ourselves to others
• Beliefs around money that are hurtful

On the flip side, being “good with money” means you have these four categories covered:

• Understand the day to day of your money
• Feeling empowered around your decisions, both in your past and for your future
• Having support around you (think accountants and friends who cheer you on)
• Using money joyfully

Ready to outgrow those “bad with money” symptoms and move into being “good with money”? Below is a deeper dive into each of these parts! For more support, please reach out at diana@allthecolors.net.

“I’m just bad with money…”

Although this can feel permanent, or like a character trait, it is not! Every day above ground we have the opportunity to do things differently, to do things in ways that better serve us and those we love. Let’s dig into what’s often beneath saying “I’m bad with money.”

Frustration

What you’re doing is not working, so you’re going to try it just one more time to see if this time it does work. Or maybe, everything you’ve tried from sticking to a budget, to freezing your credit cards, to listening to that one uncle who said he made a fortune on the sock market, has not worked.

This frustration often comes from forcing ourselves to “behave right” through willpower, rather than building money systems. It’s saving with what’s left over, instead of saving before spending anything. It’s trying to pay off debt without having a cash reserve to cover emergencies – if there is an emergency that could mean more debt. It’s juggling too many balls in the air while life keeps throwing you more. Eeeek!!

Fuzziness Around Money

Imagine having a conversation that starts with “the expense ratio of this index fund is much lower than the NAV for that closed mutual fund, even though they basically have the same holdings.” What?? How about, “do you have TOD set up for your taxable accounts and when were your beneficiaries last reviewed?”

I get it! There can be so much jargon and weird terms in the world of money. Enough for anyone to glaze out and wait for the whole thing to be over.

Or maybe it’s not the terms themselves, but the fact that you’re not really sure what you want so getting there is confusing.

Compare and Despair

Need I say more? This is social media and TV shows showing us a life that’s accessible to the 1%. This is competing with family members or that brother-in-law on your most recent raise. This is buying a car that’s got a higher payment than you can manage because you just turned 34 and if nothing else, you at least want to have the car you thought you’d have when you were a kid.

We’re social creatures and it’s totally normal to look around to see if we’re where we should be. Yet, shoulding on ourselves is DRAINING! Sure, look around, but know that your worth is independent of any stuff you might own, of the money you have, or anything material.

This can be real hard when it’s your family or partner telling you you’re not measuring up. Wage stagnation got started in the 70s. In the US we are at record high levels of inequality. Comparing our insides to other people’s outsides is hurtful to us and creates distance from those we love.

Hurtful inner money beliefs

For this, start with what does being good with money mean? Is it never treating yourself to anything? Is it having the biggest and best of everything otherwise you’re a failure?

Any thoughts of “always”, “never”, and “shoulds” are a symptom of black and white thinking – which can set us up for failure. Move beyond that by treating yourself gently and give yourself grace.

In some cases, it could be that being “good with money” in your mind is so extreme, that you’d rather just be “bad with money” to keep living your life.

Often when money comes into your mind, your inner dialogue leaves you feeling either numb, ready to run, or ready to fight yourself or those around you. This is the classic, fight, flight, and freeze response – I see it all the time with clients and I’ve experienced it MANY times myself. Take a breath, check in with your body, and stay present. Transformation is just around the corner.

“Being Good with Money”

What’s on the other side? A gentler way. A way that leaves you standing proud, confident of your abilities.

You Know What’s Going On

You know your income, your expenses, how much you owe, what you need to do to get to where you want to go. Heck, you know where you want to go, which in itself can be a miracle.

You are comfortable with your reserves, both financial (extra cash) and social support (for when times get hard). You have adequate insurance if there’s an accident, and understand how to use it. In other words, you are able to take care of yourself today and have extra padding for those bumpy times.

You Are Empowered Around Decisions

You can look back at your previous money decisions with ease and grace. Sure, you made mistakes, but who hasn’t? You’ve figured out a way to make them work for you and remember their lessons. The debts have been consolidated, paid off, or there’s a plan to get them off your books.

You can look forward with confidence. Yes, the future is never certain, yet you are both flexible and strong enough to be with life as it arises. Although you’re a little scared of everything you want to accomplish, you know that one step at a time you’ll get there. You can buy that house if you want it, you’re confident negotiating contracts and raises at work, and you know how to save and invest to reach your goals.

You Have Community

You are friends with your accountant, your insurance broker, and your plumber. You understand what they need to do their job well, and how they make your life easier. Asking questions is comfortable and money language is getting clearer to understand. If you need a professional, you have friends who can guide you to a reputable one. You can smell a scam a mile away and can politely say, “no”.

You can talk about money freely with safe people. Not everyone needs to know your business, but it’s really good to be open around something that can be so taboo. It makes it easier to speak up in situations where the people are less safe. This is especially important for people of color, differently abled folks, and those who are gender non-conforming. Speaking up is a super power.

Lastly, you give a hand up when anyone has questions and concerns around money. Without shame or guilt, you can share the lessons you’ve learned and encourage them to learn their own. Maybe you help financially if you feel called to do so, but it’s always by choice rather than obligation.

You Use Money Joyfully

This is such a wonderful place to be! It is available to you now, especially if you are fortunate enough to have plenty of food, a safe place to sleep, and a steady income. Once you know what’s going on with your money you can start to use it joyfully, be it for spending, gifting, investing, traveling, eating, or anything else you can do with money.

You can feel proud of the way you use money, of the way you earn it, of the places you support. Every money decision aligns with your values. You can hold the paradox of living in today and stewarding tomorrow without breaking a sweat. A perfect example of this is skipping a purchase you’d forget about quickly to put money into the vacation fund you’ve been dreaming about.

Opening Our Eyes to Money’s Fullness

At this point you might be thinking, is anyone actually really that good at money? Not all the time, but I do feel really close. And I know many people who do too.

There was a time when my mom earned less than $20,000 a year, and yet she was good with money. She supported herself and me and my brother with pride in the bargains she got, with determination that she could reach her goal of financial stability. We leaned on family, made do with what we had, worked, and took advantage of government subsidies, such as health care. Those lessons have lived with me ever since.

Dealing with money is as multi-faceted as our health, our relationships, and even our spirituality. Money is an important part of our life. Simply saying “I’m just bad with money” disconnects you from your potential and your strength. Slowly but surely, I am confident you can improve this aspect of your life to the point that it becomes as second nature as walking.

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