When my great uncle passed away I had a conversation with my grandmother, nana Leonor, that opened my eyes to my money heritage as a Mexican and a woman. The way we look at money is created by our family and environment. As you read my story, consider what you’ve learned about money in your own family. What messages have they shared that you do or do not follow? How do you feel about that?
My great-uncle Leonardo was my nana’s twin and financially dependent on her because he had not saved for retirement. Instead, he planned to keep working until the end. Unfortunately, a severe case of vertigo made it impossible for him to continue working as a ranch hand.
The responsibility to care for him fell on the entire family, especially his son and my grandmother. My nana sent him $175/month and he also received a small government pension in Sonora, Mexico. With that he was able to live comfortably in his parents home under the care of his neighbors and his niece, Daniela. Daniela stopped by his home every morning after dropping of her kids at school to make him oatmeal, drop off groceries and run other errands.
It’s amazing that an amount as small as the cost of a cross-fit membership could support a grown man! It also explains why so many people retire to live abroad.
I tried to talk with my nana about saving that $175/month because she’s had issues with credit card debt. I was a little, tiny bit, preachy… I suggested she open up a savings account for each of her six great grand-children giving them each $25/month, in ten years they’d each have $3,000 – enough for a down-payment on a house in Mexico, or a semester in college!
She briefly considered the idea (I think), however, saving for the future is not my nana’s style. She’d rather buy each of them clothes or toys every month, which maybe is a better decision since she’ll get to enjoy watching them appreciate the gifts. In fact caring for others is how she initially got into credit card debt. Her style has always been to enjoy it now and give away as much as possible.
I also have this tendency to show love with money. However, unlike my grandmother I get resentful when I’m deprived to benefit others so I’ve learned to be balanced in my gifting.
This conversation truly showed me how different I am from my grandmother. I was born 50 years after her and in a different country. I grew up with the ideal of the ambitious, self-made immigrant, while she was taught that being a mother and wife were her ultimate goals, and in many ways her only options. I completely disagree with the way she spends and I also respect her decisions; we all have different money lenses.
As a financial planner whenever I think of retirement planning in my family I feel a chill. At some level my parents expect to be cared for by family the way their parents were. Unfortunately, they’ve had far fewer children than my grandparents and they live in the US.
My great-uncle did not drive thus he had no car expenses. His home was paid for, and his main form of entertainment was smoking cigarettes and visiting with neighbors. My parents like to buy a new car every few years and travel internationally; I would definitely not be able to provide that for them on $175/month.
When I first learned of retirement planning in college I asked my mom whether she’d thought of her own retirement. She said yes, she’d paid for my brother and I to finish our education. I stared at her blankly and thought “Yikes!”
I was about to point out that I had gone to college with scholarships and grants, but I saw that an argument like that would only hurt both of us. To this day I still feel a pit in my stomach when I remember that incident.
I’ve come to terms with the fact that I will not be able to be my parent’s source of retirement income. In reality, they do not expect that of me. They each own property in Mexico and they’ll probably move there and scale back their lifestyle to fit their social security benefits. Who knows, they may decide that visiting with neighbors and taking naps in their 70s is more enjoyable than lugging luggage around in foreign countries.
In a perfect world my parents would be saving for retirement, just like the parents of all my friends. But they’re not. In fact, they think it’s odd that I’m saving for retirement, my dad actually teases me about it!
Growing up there were always reminders of my immigrant background. Such as my parents thick accent, having an elaborate quinceañera, and spending summers in Sonora, Mexico. Discussing retirement with my parents has been the most painful part of assimilating into the US. I cannot commit to our culture of taking care of elders, and although they don’t blame me for it, I carry a hint of sadness around this.
Neither of my parents expect complete leisure in their old age. My grandmother is the de facto baby-sitter for five of her grandchildren. She cooks, does light cleaning, and works the cash register at the family store. She still works every day, except now her pace is slower. She lives with my aunt and her vacations consist of visiting her siblings in Sonora.
During the last couple of years of my great-uncle’s life he refused medical treatment for everything and anything. This may have been partly because he didn’t want to be a burden on family, but mostly because he hated hearing doctors nag about his smoking.
Who knows what my parents’ old age will look like? Maybe they’ll continue working and also refuse medical treatment. What I do know is that I hope to have them around for as long as possible and that I need to prepare for my own retirement.